Interior Design for Grief: How our Homes can Help with Healing
/
Our homes are reflections of who we are and the lives that we have lived. These environments take on a new significance for those of us who are coping with grief through the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant life change as we are surrounded by objects and spaces that retain the memories of a former time. Redesigning our home can be a healing step that helps us transition into a new stage of life as we process our grief.
There are many different forms of grief. Bereaving a family member or relationship, the onset of sudden illness, or injury are all significant events that can cause us to grieve our life that was. We all cope with loss in different ways, and the experience of processing grief is often not a linear path. As we move through this difficult time, a place or object may evoke memories that trigger waves of emotion.
While many of us may be familiar with the five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance), some researchers prefer to conceptualize these as "tasks of mourning" (1) that can help us gain a feeling of control over the destabilization that loss can cause in our life. These Four tasks of mourning include: "Accepting the reality of the loss. Processing the pain of grief. Adjusting to the world without who or what we have lost. Finding an enduring connection with who or what we have lost while continuing to engage in new relationships." (2)
Continuing to live in the home that we once shared with a loved one can, in some cases, feel challenging, as being surrounded by objects and spaces that are filled with memories can trigger or potentially prolong our grief.
For those of us in mourning, reserving spaces and holding on to objects may feel like a way to maintain a bond with the person we have lost. Or, instead, we may have an initial instinct to get rid of everything that reminds us of those who are no longer with us, as the memories triggered by these objects and spaces are too painful. But this is something that we may come to regret once we begin to heal. Alternatively, redesigning our home, letting go of some of these objects, and keeping a selection of meaningful pieces can be a healing step in grieving. It helps us accept the reality of our loss, honor their memory, and create a new path for ourselves.
When we share our home with someone for a long time, the space itself can become flooded with memories. In cases where we would like to stay in the same residence but the constant stream of memories is too painful, a complete remodel can be an empowering step. It allows us to reclaim our home, creating a new space to process our grief and pave a new way forward.
For some of us, staying in the home that we once shared with a loved one may prove too painful to endure. In this case, the process of deciding what to take with us into our new life and what should be left behind can feel overwhelming. We may need guidance on retaining the things we loved about our old life without triggering painful memories.
Inviting family and friends to help sort through these possessions can transform this task into a source of support and connection during a difficult time. Alternatively, enlisting the services of an interior design team can take what may feel like an overwhelming situation and break it into smaller, more manageable tasks.
For those of us experiencing a divorce or break up, the spaces and objects that surround us may contain painful memories of those who have hurt us that continue to cause us pain and slow the process of moving on. For some of us, purging our home of objects belonging to or that remind us of our ex-partner can be a powerful first step in reclaiming the space of our home. Determining what objects share the space of our home with us can feel empowering, making space for objects that have a significant personal meaning to us and bring us joy.
When continuing to live in the same home that we once shared with a loved one, replacing communal items that do not have significant personal meaning, such as dinnerwear, towels, bedding, and artwork, can support our healing and help make the transition into our new life more real, as these new objects do not trigger a flood of memories or a wave of grief.
Objects that existed from that period and still have personal meaning may be rearranged or reimagined within our new home in a way that pleases our personal tastes and allows us to claim ownership over how they make us feel. For instance, a piece of artwork could be given a new prominent place in the home, or a piece of furniture could be reupholstered to better fit our personal style.
For those mourning the end of a relationship, changing the space around us by rearranging or redesigning rooms can change how a space triggers our memories. A home remodel can provide a time for self-focus and self-care, where we can truly evaluate what our personal needs are without compromise, creating a home that is just for us. Rooms or spaces once inhabited by our ex, such as a home office or reading nook, can be converted into whatever best serves us in our new life, perhaps a home gym, meditation room, or dedicated room for a collection. Moving plants, painting the walls a different color, buying new, or rearranging existing furniture can make a room feel less familiar and transition it from "our" space into "my" space, a place to make new memories.
For those experiencing grief from a sudden or significant change in life, such as illness, injury, or loss of mobility, being surrounded by interiors and objects that remind us of our life before this event can be a painful daily experience that hinders our ability to heal. Incorporating ergonomic design elements can create a highly personalized home that helps support us physically and emotionally through this difficult time. Custom design options that help facilitate accessibility and self-sufficiency reimagine our home to meet our new needs with comfort and support.
Kitchens and bathrooms can be redesigned to accommodate a seated user by incorporating custom sink and counter heights. Creating clear space under the sink ensures an unobstructed approach to the counter and ease of movement throughout the room.
Touchless faucets are easy to operate and have the additional hygiene benefit of a touchless surface. Cabinets can be customized to incorporate drawers with pull-style handles, making them easier to access than doors with knob-style handles, facilitating self-sufficiency and confidence in day-to-day tasks.
Installing a wheelchair-accessible shower with barrier-free entry creates ease of movement throughout the bathroom. Barrier-free showers have the same plane as the adjacent flooring, with no step, curb, or dam that would obstruct entry. Linear floor drains and grading can help maintain a level surface, and including a secondary drain elsewhere in the bathroom allows the entire floor area to be treated as a wet room. The shower should also be large enough to allow space to transfer to a shower chair and for the shower chair to turn around, facilitating freedom of movement.
When such changes may necessitate a home remodel to facilitate greater accessibility, updating our home's aesthetics alongside such changes can create a whole new space that supports our current and future selves. Some say the best way to work through our feelings is to feel them. We may wish to create a sanctuary of comfort and peace within our home to help process our grief. Automated lighting, window coverings, and design features that contain or mask environmental sound can all be customized and remotely controlled from a central system to create the ultimate environment of comfort and well-being with the push of a button.
The loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a sudden life change can profoundly affect how we experience our environment, as our homes are full of memories that have the potential to trigger painful waves of grief. Practicing self-care and mindfulness can support our mental and emotional well-being as we move through the process of healing. Remodeling our home to incorporate biophilic design elements such as a nature-inspired palette, natural materials such as stone and wood, textiles, and wallcoverings that incorporate biophilic imagery can contribute to creating mindful, supportive spaces within our home. Biophilic design draws from our innate desire to be within nature, aiming to mirror the mindful effects of spending time outdoors to help us find moments of calm and peace. Remodeling and reclaiming our home after experiencing a loss is a sensitive process that must be handled with care and compassion. We have planned home remodels after a sudden loss, illness, or accident and supported individuals through the difficult task of sorting through a loved one's treasured possessions with sensitivity, discretion, and empathy. Reclaiming our space after a painful event can be a healing part of the grieving process; with an experienced interior design team at our side for guidance and support, we can honor our memories while charting a new path for our lives.
Sarah Barnard, WELL AP + LEED AP, is a leading designer of personalized, sustainable spaces that support mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. She creates highly personalized, restorative spaces that are deeply connected to art and the preservation of the environment. An advocate for consciousness, inclusivity, and compassion in the creative process, Sarah has appeared in Architectural Digest, Elle Décor, Vogue, HGTV, and many other publications. In 2017 Sarah was honored as a “Ones to Watch” Scholar by the American Society of Interior Designers (ASID).
References
- “The 4 Tasks of Grieving.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-health-nerd/201911/the-4-tasks-grieving. Accessed 17 Dec. 2024.
Bibliography
“What Is Grief?” Cleveland Clinic, 1 May 2024, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief. 0
PDQ Supportive and Palliative Care Editorial Board. “Grief, Bereavement, and Coping with Loss (PDQ®).” PDQ Cancer Information Summaries [Internet]., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 26 June 2024, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/. 1
Kademani, Maanasi. “How Does Grief Affect Your Body?” UCLA Health, 21 Feb. 2024, www.uclahealth.org/news/article/how-does-grief-affect-your-body.
“‘decluttering’ after Someone Dies: How and When Should You Do It?” Marie Curie, www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/articles/decluttering-after-someone-dies/277411. Accessed 17 Dec. 2024.
Mckeough, Tim. “That Home You Made with Your Ex? ‘Say Goodbye to Everything.’” The New York Times, The New York Times, 1 Dec. 2020, www.nytimes.com/2020/12/01/realestate/renovating-after-a-break-up.html.
Longobucco, Alyssa. “How to Reclaim Your Space Post-Breakup or Just after a Big Life Change.” Apartment Therapy, Apartment Therapy, 16 Feb. 2021, www.apartmenttherapy.com/reclaim-your-space-after-a-life-change-36879162.